I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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