Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
