i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
