i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
