Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
