I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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