You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
