I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There's always time for handjobs
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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