Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
