Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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