SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
