You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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