I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
