after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
