i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
