I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can't put those talents on a resume
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
