I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
