I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
