Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I think I died a long time ago.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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