Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
