I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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