I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize