i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
