4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
