Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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