He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
