I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
