Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
