Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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