So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
