Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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