Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
