I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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