I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
whose ass print is on the piano?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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