i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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