Tell her she can't have a vagina
she woke up with a sticky ear
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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