i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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