I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
