How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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