Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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