Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
