pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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