So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my shit smells like andre
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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