3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
