Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
