is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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