so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize