should my penis look like a turkey
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
