I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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