he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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