I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You dont lie about slip and slides
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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