Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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