u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
