from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize