Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
