I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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