Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
