my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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