guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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