honey bunches of taint.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
