i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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