I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
