too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
